Back To You
by vaisbae
Summary: Everyone thinks Dimitri died in the caves, but what if he managed to kill Nathan? Injured and alone, can he fight his way back to Rose in time to save her… from herself? Will their love be enough to keep them alive? Set after Shadow Kiss
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys! So I've been reading Vampire Academy fanfiction forever, and I decided it was about time to try writing my own story! I know this has been done before, but I love these types of stories so much lol. Constructive criticism is appreciated :)_

 _Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead._

 _Summary: Everyone thinks Dimitri died in the caves, but what if he managed to get the upper hand on Nathan? Injured and alone, can he fight his way back to Rose in time to save her… from herself?_

chapter 1-

Rose POV:

As I collapsed over the wards, I could hear a faint high pitched voice yelling my name. I ignored it and continued to lay in the grass and catch my breath. Lissa came running up to me and I realized that it was her voice that I had heard yelling for me.

"Rose! Rose I thought you were dead! You scared me so much, never do that to me again!"

I was about to tell her I was fine when the memories of the attack hit me like a train. The battle. The rescue mission. _Dimitri._ That final thought snapped me out of my haze as I started sobbing uncontrollably. He was gone, taken, dead… or worse. I struggled to breathe as I thought of the fact that I would never see him again. My lover, my soulmate, was gone. All I wanted was for him to be here and comfort me. I need him to tell me that everything will be okay.

Lissa held me while I sobbed, and I'm sure she only thought I was upset over what I had experienced. I took a quick look in her head and realized I was right. she was close to crying as well, over all the lives we had just lost.

As I laid in her arms, I could feel my heart breaking all over again. It felt as if a part of my soul had been ripped away from me, and it had. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. Worse than breaking my ankle. Worse than having the air forced out of my lungs. Worse than _dying._ All my physical injuries were forgotten as I drifted into unconsciousness with memories of him fresh on my mind.

I woke to the sound of beeping, and a bright light. I had spent more time in the infirmary than I could've thought possible, so I'm used to it by now. As my eyes adjusted to the light, the faces of my friends came into focus. Lissa, Christian, Adrian, and Eddie were all there. Christian and Adrian were asleep, and Eddie perked up when he saw that I was awake. Lissa shot up out of her seat.

" _Oh my god,_ Rose! You're awake!" She hugged me as tight as she could with me being in a hospital bed. I tried not to let her know how much it hurt.

"Liss, why am I here?"

"Rose… Do you remember what happened?"

"Yes, the academy was atta-" My blood ran cold and it felt like my heart stopped along with my sentence. Dimitri was gone. Everything came rushing back to me again, for the second time. Lissa, assuming the look on my face was still due to confusion, continued to talk.

"Yes, the academy was attacked and you passed out in my arms when you got back from the raid. You've been asleep nearly 24 hours, we were starting to worry. What happened out there Rose? I get that we lost a lot of people, but that wasn't normal." I couldn't take it anymore.

"Nothing about this is _normal_ Lissa! Dimitri's gone. He's dead, or worse. I watched him get taken by a strigoi and there's nothing that I could do to stop it. Do you know what that feels like? Being so _powerless?"_

Lissa was shocked by my outburst. I don't blame her, so was I. Eddie just stared at me. Worry mixed with fear in their eyes. Lissa tried to talk to me some more, but I ignored her and stared out the window.

"Rose… Rose please talk to me. I know I'm not a guardian like you, but if you let me know what's going on I'll do my best to understand."

She couldn't. She couldn't even fathom what I was feeling right now. I felt hollow, like nothing even mattered anymore. Dimitri didn't deserve this. At the thought of his name, my heart split open all over again. The vision of his eyes as he stared into mine for the last time burned into my brain, and I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could to try and make it go away. I didn't work. I should've been stronger, faster, anything. I shouldn't have let my mother pull me away, like a coward. _It should've been me._

"What?" Lissa asked, confused. Shit. I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"Nothing." She didn't buy it.

"Rose, what did you say." She said it stern, bringing out her "mean voice" that didn't phase me in the slightest. I looked back out the window.

" _Rose,"_ she said, and I could feel her glaring at me. Sighing, I turned back around and met her glare straight on.

"It should've been me."

"What are you talking about?"

"It. Should've. Been. Me," I said, harder this time. Understanding filled her features, and her face softened.

"Rose, Dimitri's death wasn't your fault. You did the best you could. He was a great guardian, and an even better person, but he's gone." Unable to speak anymore, I looked my head away from her.

Realizing I was done talking, I heard her turn around and head back to her seat. I lost track of time. Later, when Christian and Adrian woke up, they all tried talking to me. I just couldn't do it anymore, I was drained. Eventually they all gave up and left, all except Eddie.

After a while Eddie stood up and walked over to crouch right in front of me, with his hands on my bed.

"I've been watching you, you know. Or I guess I should say both of you. I don't know how no one else saw it. I know you love him Rose." I just stared at him, blankly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said in a raspy voice, looking away from him. Eddie didn't look convinced.

"I've seen the way you look at him, and him back at you. You love each other." My eyes widened, fully realizing how bad this was. _No no no._ What if he tells? What if he doesn't approve. Seeing my expression, Eddie continued.

"Oh Rose, don't worry, I won't tell. I'm so sorry, you know I'm always here for you, right?" I nodded in response, and once again, my lip trembled and the tears spilled over the edge of my eyes, blurring my vision.

"It's n-not f-fair. Why? Wh-why _him?_ I Just got hi-him Eddie. I lo-love him so much, it fe-feels like a pa-part of m-me is mi-missing," I hiccuped. I'm surprised he understood a word of my rambling, but he just nodded.

Silently, he got up and crawled onto the bed with me, wrapping his arms around me and letting me cry until I was so numb there was nothing I could do except lie there until the darkness took me again.

 _So… What do you think? Please let me know!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh my god you guys are amazing! Huge thanks to everyone that reviewed, faved, or followed. Enjoy the chapter:)_

 _Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead._

Chapter 2-

Dimitri POV:

 _Roza's eyes met mine as her mom held her in place and the strigoi held me on the ground. I pleaded with my eyes for her to go, get out of here. Thank god Janine was restraining her, I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to Roza if she tried to save me_

 _Funny, I was about to die and all I cared about was Rose._

 _I felt fangs sink into my neck, and then everything was chaos. Strigoi and guardians crowded my vision, blocking me from seeing Rose. Even over the sounds of everyone else, I still heard her screams._

 _Slowly, everything blurred together and my head started to spin. The sounds of battle sounded distant and far away, like I was in my own little bubble. I could feel the life draining out of me, but over everything else, I felt bliss. The bite was indescribable. I was floating away, and it was one of the most amazing things I'd ever felt in my entire life._

 _I don't know how long I stayed like that, lost in my own world, but it couldn't have been long because the next thing I knew the fangs were out of my neck and a weight was lifted off of me. Opening my eyes, I saw a guardian I didn't know fighting with the blond Strigoi._

 _I watched, dazed, as they fought. It was obvious the guardian was slowed down by other injuries, but his moves were calculated and precise nonetheless. He was favoring his left leg and winced every time he was forced to put too much pressure on the other one. On top of that, he was beaten and bruised all over, with a cut that ran from the top of his forehead down to the corner of his lips. One of his eyes was so swollen I couldn't tell if he could even see from it._

 _Tearing my eyes away from their fight, I realized that everyone but the guardian and blond strigoi was gone. The Strigoi had retreated back into the cave and the guardians had gone back to the academy. Bodies littered the cave floor. I could feel bile rise in the back of my throat._

 _As a guardian, we're trained to be indifferent, stone-faced, cold, brutal. We have to be able to handle anything, but no matter how many times you encounter death, it never get easier._

 _I snapped out of my haze as I heard a loud clang. The strigoi had gotten a hard blow to the guardian, and knocked his stake to the ground. It landed a few feet away from me. I watched as the strigoi landed one final blow to his abdomen, sending the guardian flying into the wall._

 _Slowly, the strigoi walked over to him, grinning wickedly and bending over to tear his fangs into his neck._

 _Seeing my chance, I crawled over and grabbed the stake. Pure adrenaline was the only thing keeping me moving. While the strigoi was busy finishing the guardian, I pulled myself over to him as quietly as I could._

 _By the time he realized I was there, it was too late. I plunged the stake into his back and through his heart._

I woke up from the dream in a cold sweat. Gasping, my eyes snapped open. My heart was beating out of my chest. I looked around, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

It was the second time that I'd had the dream. The scene just kept replaying back in my head.

Being bitten. Being saved. Killing the strigoi.

I'm still not sure how I'd had the strength to keep fighting, when my entire body was screaming at me to give up. Honestly, I think it was because of Rose.

Throughout the whole thing, all I could think about was her. She is what gives me a reason to live. Before her, my life was dull. I did the same, boring thing every day, never speaking more than a few words to anyone. It wasn't even living.

But then she came into my life, and everything changed. From the moment I saw her, I knew she would change my life. She became my everything, and I found myself telling her things that not even Ivan had known. Before I knew it, I was smiling and laughing again like I used to.

So the whole time I was struggling to stay awake, she was there in the back of my mind, yelling at me to fight, for her.

My eyes finally adjusted, and it took all my strength to sit up. I wasn't sure how long I'd been here, but it must've been at least a full day, maybe more. I've been in and out of consciousness the whole time, never really staying awake for more than a few hours. Even when I was awake, I wasn't strong enough to do anything but lay there.

Looking down, I quickly assessed my injuries as best as I could. From what I could tell, I had a dislocated shoulder, a few fractured ribs, a sprained ankle, and probably more. Everything hurt. Who knows what kind of internal injuries I have.

Now that I was finally able to sit up, I could get a better look around me. The cave entrance was probably about 100 feet away, and moonlight illuminated the ground around it. If I had to guess, I'd say I was at least a couple miles from the academy.

Taking a deep breath, I hoisted myself onto my hands and knees. Pain seared through me, and black spots clouded my vision. Every bone in my body was screaming at me to stop. Putting the pain in the back of my mind, I started moving.

Slowly, I moved through the cave. My lungs seared and my throat burned. Every few feet I had to stop and lay down for a few minutes and recover.

This is how it went for god knows how long. I lost track of time, but it felt like hours. By the time I reached the entrance of the cave, it was getting light outside.

I collapsed once I was outside. My skin was sweaty despite the chill in the air. Suddenly, my eyelids became too heavy to keep open. I welcomed sleep gratefully.

 _How the hell am I going to do this?_

Rose POV:

3 days. It's been 3 days since the battle, and 2 days since I've been back from the infirmary.

I felt empty inside. Everyone had come by at least once to try and get me to come out of my room, but I wouldn't let them in. No one could get through to me, not even Lissa.

I knew she was worried sick about me, but I didn't care.

Why should I let them help me? They don't understand. They don't know what it's like to lose your soulmate.

And even if they did, I don't deserve their help. It's my fault he's dead, or worse. The thought of Dimitri being a strigoi made my stomach churn.

I closed my eyes and took deep, shaky breaths. Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. Soon, the silent tears turned into sobs as I clutched one of his old shirts to my chest.

It was the only way I could feel close to him. The scent of his aftershave still lingered on the shirt, and it was the only thing that kept me half-sane.

I don't know how long I stayed like that, but soon I had no tears left in my eyes and my sobs turned into heaves. I couldn't breathe. It felt like all the air was being sucked out of my lungs. My whole body shook and convulsed, and blood pounded in my ears.

I clenched my fists as hard as I could, Digging my nails into my skin and drawing blood. An overwhelming sense of dread consumed me. _Why can't I just die? Then at least I could be with him._

At some point, I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up to the sound of someone pounding on my door.

"Rose! Please open the door! You have to come out sometime," Lissa's voice called. I didn't answer.

"Rose, please," she said, only quieter this time. I couldn't mistake the fear in her voice as well. I still didn't answer her. I heard shuffling outside the door, and the sound of keys jingling. My doorknob twisted and the door creaked open. Lissa and Alberta slowly walked inside, looking around my room worriedly. They caught sight of my on my bed, and walked over.

I didn't move, my eyes stayed on the ceiling. This time it was Alberta that spoke.

"Rose, you have to eat something, we brought you some food." Ha, like I could keep anything down. I didn't look at them. Lissa turned around and took a deep breath. Alberta kept talking.

"Rose, what's going on? Please talk to us, we can't help you if you don't open up." _I don't want your help._

"Get out." My voice was hard, and even I couldn't recognise it.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, _get out."_ It hurt to talk to Alberta like that, after all, she pretty much raised me. But I needed to be alone right now. Sighing, she got up and turned around, setting down a bag of food in the process. She gave Lissa a look that I didn't understand on the way out.

Lissa turned around, and I rolled over and looked her in the eye. I noticed she had tears leaking down the side of her face.

"What happened to you, Rose?" I answered her by closing my eyes and turning back around.

Silently, she climbed up onto my bed and wrapped her arms around me. Surprisingly, I was grateful for her embrace. It felt nice to have my best friend here with me, even if she didn't have a clue what was going on inside my head. And honestly? Neither did I.

 _Dang, that was hard to write. I deleted Dimitris point of view and rewrote it at least twice. Anyways, I hope you all liked it! And don't worry, I'll make their reunion as soon as possible. I hate when they're away from each other:( Please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks again for the amazing reviews:) To those asking, I plan on updating at least every weekend, with the occasional Monday or Friday (like today). I'll try my best to maybe get a chapter up during the week, but I'm usually too busy with school and sports. Anyways, on with the chapter._

 _Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead._

Chapter 3-

Rose POV:

Over the next few days, I only got worse. And I knew it. Anxiety attacks came frequently, and the only way to stop them was to fall asleep.

But that didn't work, because when I slept, I had nightmares. Images of him flooded my dreams. Sometimes it was Dimitri with bright red eyes, and sometimes it was him lying on the cave floor, neck snapped, with cold dead eyes staring up at me. Both make me sick.

I don't remember the last time I ate. Yesterday? Two days ago? It didn't matter.

I knew in my heart that Dimitri wouldn't want me to do this to myself, that he would want me to be strong for Lissa. But _he_ had been my reason for getting up in the morning. He kept me strong, and he inspired me to do my best every day. With him gone, no one was here to do that anymore.

I loved Lissa so much, and I would do anything to keep her safe. But right now, she doesn't need me. She has Christian, and plenty of other amazing guardians that would jump at the chance to guard the last Dragomir.

I don't deserve to be a guardian, not when I didn't even have the strength to save the man I loved. I don't deserve to live at all. I don't deserve to have people like Lissa in my life. Why do they even love me? All I've ever done is disappoint them.

These dark thoughts swirled around in my head until I was pulled into Lissa's mind for the first time in what felt like forever.

She was sitting cross-legged in Christian's lap, and he was sitting on her bed. Eddie and Adrian were both in the room as well, Adrian in the desk chair and Eddie on the floor. They all had grim looks on their faces, and I knew from the way they spoke that they were talking about me.

"I just don't understand why she won't open up to me. I'm her best friend, doesn't she trust me?" Lissa said, a tear leaking out of the corner of her eye. I could feel the darkness bubbling up in the back of her mind, threatening to explode. I took it from her without a thought.

"Of course she trusts you babe, but she needs time to herself to figure things out. You know she will Liss, this is Rose," Christian said. The calming words soothed her, and she wiped her tears away and relaxed back into his arms.

Adrian spoke next, "I don't know guys, this doesn't seem like typical Rose behavior. She's always been the strong one. I've seen her aura, there's always this cloud of darkness surrounding her. It's getting worse. I mean, she didn't even act like this when Mason died. There's something deeper going on."

At the mention of Mason's name, Eddie looked up from where he sat fiddling with his hands. Though we shared no bond, I knew what he was thinking. He was torn between selling out my relationship with Dimitri, and covering for us once again. He chose the latter.

"Yeah, Mason's death was hard on her, but I think everything's just finally catching up to her. Between losing Mason, the attack, the darkness, and all the other shit she's been through this year, she just snapped. She needs time to heal, and the best thing we can do right now is support her," Eddie finished confidently.

While I was grateful for his support, he was wrong. I can't come back from this. The only thing that got me through Mason's death was Dimitri. He was my lifeline.

Christian nodded, agreeing with him. Adrian didn't look so convinced, and I felt through the bond that Lissa wasn't really either.

Unable to take any more of this, I pulled out of her head. Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths.

I need Dimitri. I need him here to hold me. I need him to whisper soothing words to me in Russian. I need him to tell me that everything will be okay. _I need him._

I stood up from my bed. I can't take it anymore. I start pacing around the room, my legs shaky and weak from laying in the same spot for so long.

I run my fingers through my hair, over and over and over, stopping occasionally to throw something off my desk or kick something around. Soon my pacing turns into a full on rampage, breaking things and screaming until my room is unrecognizable even to me. When I finally collapse on the floor in the middle of the room, I'm vaguely aware of the silent tears running down face.

All I could think about was how much of a failure I've become. I failed Dimitri. I failed Lissa. I failed myself. All I could feel was pain.

When I calm down, I get up and slowly walk into the bathroom.

Looking into the mirror, I don't even know who I am. The girl looking back at me is _not_ Rose Hathaway. She is not the young, fiery girl that threw a book at her teacher and called her a fascist bastard. She is not the girl that once tied Jesse Zeklos to a tree. Scratch that- multiple times.

No, this girl has cold, hollow eyes. She is broken.

Looking passed my reflection, I take a deep breath and open the cabinet, taking out the thin razor that I took from Lissa when she was cutting herself.

 _Hey, it worked for her, why wouldn't it work for me?_

I angled the blade towards my skin, pausing before letting the cool metal cut into my wrist. The cut was shallow, but blood still poured from the wound and into the sink. It was mesmerizing.

Braver this time, I went a little deeper, letting the pain consume me. It felt nice to focus on something else for a change.

I kept going, each new cut going deeper and longer than the last. I knew I was getting dangerously close to passing out. There was blood everywhere. The sink, the mirror, the floor. Tears ran constantly down my face and onto my arm, mixing with the blood.

My vision blurred, and my head smacked the bathtub as I fell to the floor. As dark, red blood pooled around me, my last conscious thought was that hopefully, I'll finally get to be with Dimitri again.

Dimitri POV:

The second day of crawling was much, much easier. I no longer felt like my body was being torn in half, and I think I made it pretty far.

By the third day, I was finally able to get back on my feet and walk a little bit. Well, more like stumble. Using the trees for support, I more or less was able to make my way through the forest.

My head was pounding, and my whole body ached. _Do it for Rose._

Oh god, she must be heartbroken. Thinking of her like that, scared and alone, made me long to be back even more. I can't bear the thought of her being like that.

Thinking of Rose gave me the extra push I needed to keep going. Ignoring the searing pain in my muscles, I continued on, not stopping to take a break.

An hour later, I was starting to faintly see the academy's lights in the distance. The relief that flooded my system almost made me collapse. _I'm so close._

After that, I lost track of time. The only thought on my mind was getting back to Rose.

The last few meters were hell, but somehow I made it. I fell over in a big heaping mess once I reached the wards. I laid there for a few minutes, unaware of my surroundings as I catch my breath.

Once my eyes were able to focus and my heart calmed down a little, I saw a familiar face hovering over me.

Princess Vasilisa.

"Guardian Belikov? Guardian Belikov can you hear me?" Lissa asked worriedly.

After blinking a few times I answered her, or at least I attempted to. "I- I… yeah," I was so dazed, I couldn't even make out a full sentence.

"Oh god, here, let me help," She closed her eyes and placed her hands on my chest. I watched her face scrunch up in concentration as she sent a burst of her magic through me. I've never been healed before, but it was a feeling that there's no way I'd ever be able to describe. Warmth spread over me like a blanket, and I felt all my bones move back into place and soon I felt good as new.

I sat up pain-free for the first time in days. Not wasting a second, Vasilisa started rattling off questions at a speed that could rival even Rose.

"What happened back there? How are you alive? How did you make it back? Ohmygod I can't believe you're actually alive! You must be starving!" She trailed off, lost in thought, although I had only one thing on my mind.

"Princess, I have to go see Rose," I said anxiously, ignoring her previous questions. My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest at the thought of seeing Roza again.

At Rose's name, her face fell. My heart dropped. _Oh god._

"What's wrong princess?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but I know that I didn't do a very good job.

"Dimitri… she's in rough shape. She's been going downhill ever since the attack, and no one knows what's wrong with her. She won't talk to anyone, not even me." Lissa finished in a whisper.

This is what I was afraid of. Without me here to help, who would be here to help with the darkness?

"I have to see her," I said frantically.

"Dimitri, I don't know if that's a good idea." No. She doesn't understand.

Seeing the look in my eyes, she sighed.

"Fine. Come on, I'll come with you." I let out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding. Standing up from the grass, I turned around and pulled her up with me. She was still weak from using spirit.

"Princess, what were you doing out here all by yourself?" I asked. There was a long pause before she answered me.

"I needed some fresh air. Everything's just been to much. The attack, Rose, honestly the list just goes on and on. I can't even imagine what you went through out there, Dimitri. I understand if you don't want to talk about it right now. Oh, and please just call me Lissa" I nodded in response.

We spent the rest of the walk to the dorm in comfortable silence. I could see why Rose loved Lissa so much, just her calm presence helped to sooth my nerves a little.

As we neared the dorms, my pulse started to quicken. I had no idea what to expect.

My heart hammered as I knocked on the door.

"Rose? Roza, it's me," I said, my Russian accent thicker than usual.

Nothing.

I tried again, knocking harder this time. I was practically yelling her name.

Nothing.

My blood turned to ice. Time slowed down.

"Dimitri, something is seriously wrong."

She'd barely finished her sentence when I slammed into the door, effectively releasing it from it's hinges, and falling to the ground.

Wasting no time, I strode into the room, taking in my surroundings. There was glass all over the floor, along with broken frames and other things that I couldn't make out. It was a disaster.

But no Rose.

Blood pounded in my ears. I couldn't breathe. Turning around, I saw a light on in her bathroom. Making my way over, I took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Time stopped. Someone started screaming. _Lissa._

What laid before me was the most horrifying thing I had ever seen in my entire life.

Rose was sprawled out across the floor. There was blood pooling around her, and a razor in her right hand. Her hair was ratty, and there was a very large bruise forming on her head. I had no idea if she was even alive.

I rushed over to her limp body, pressing my fingers against her cold neck. I nearly sagged in relief when I felt her faint pulse. Turning to Lissa, I asked her a question I already knew the answer to.

"Can you heal her?" She shook her head.

"I'm too weak," She said between her sobs. She was begging for Rose to open her eyes. I'm surprised she was able to get out a coherent sentence.

 _No._ It's not over yet. She'll make it. She has to. She's my Rose.

With tears streaming down my face, I took her frail body into my arms, and I ran.

 _Longest chapter yet! Hope it makes up for the slightly longer than usual wait. You guys better be ready for some hardcore Romitri next chapter:) On another note, I kinda love the idea of Lissa and Dimitri becoming really good friends. They're both just so caring, I think their personalities would go nicely together, don't you think? (Not in a romantic way, duh) Let me know what you thought this of this chapter please, I really love your reviews._


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